I pondered this contest for quite awhile deciding which story to share from my life of dorkiness...finally after reading some other submissions I decided it was ok to share a couple of quick stories instead of narrowing it down to one!
- The first, and most recent, that came to mind was the time I had gotten some new outfits after losing some baby weight (yay breastfeeding). I was feeling all good about myself and walking proud! But, two big dork moments happened that day to knock me off my pedestal. I work at a college, surrounded by kids in their teens and twenties and being just shy of thirty, I always feel a bit dorky around them anyway, like without my name badge they may wonder if I'm a student or employee...anyway...yeah, I left the friggin size sticker on the back of my pants leg and walked around that way for half the day until another secretary informed me that I was walking around advertising my size...great! Furthermore, as I scurried back to my office I was walking rather close to the wall to avoid the crowds since it was between classes and I was jerked backward, heard a rip and saw that I had snagged my sleeve of my new jacket on a nail that was sticking out (thank you maintenance dept.)...I ducked out of the crowded hallway of staring students into my office and didn't leave again until the end of the day! I still have that jacket, with the L-shaped stitched up arm!
- I have a penchant for public puking...I can't explain it, but I have at least three occurences where I have tossed my cookies in public, much to my embarrassment! First of all, and worst of all, in 5th grade, with the meanest possible teacher who yelled at me in my moment of sickness. I felt fine until the moment of spewing, just all of the sudden, nausea came over me and I barfed all over my table, and worst of all, we didn't have single desks then, we had tables with these pull-out bins underneat that are perfect puke-catchers, plus being a small room with too many kids, our tables are not far from the chair of the person in front of us...yeah the girl in front of me had to go home too that morning since the chairs had openings in the back. Immediately following the puke, I had the teacher yelling with a look of disgust "What's wrong with you, why didn't you go the bathroom!" Yeah, do you think I WANTED TO puke all over the place in front of EVERYONE!?!? Returning to school a few days later I was so pleasantly greeted by the mean kids with "does this ring a bell" accompanied by their tongues hanging out of their mouths making puke sounds. Thank you, jerks!
Puking, part two...the State Fair has always resulted in someone in our family barfing. Don't know what it is, the cream puffs, brats, rides, loud music, the combination of all of those factors. Either way, the result one year was me running down a side street of the fair to puke into a big barrel/garbage can...yeah that's fun sticking your head into something that would normally induce vomiting anyway and attracts flies and bees.
And the puking trifecta...pumping gas at a station on a BUSY corner on the way to school one morning with a friend, right in the middle of pumping gas, I suddenly had to spew...luckily gas stations put those garbage cans right next to the pump, not solely for this pupose and the openings are not quite big enough...but it served it's purpose. I dropped that friend off at school and returned home to bed!
- The gas station story reminds me of an embarrassing blonde moment...same gas station, surprised they didn't put my poster on the wall and tell me I was not allowed to use their facility anymore. This station is on a busy corner, as I mentioned, the two busiest streets in town. As a young driver, I hadn't paid enough attention to the gas gauge and about 5 feet from the entrance to the gas station my car ran out of gas. COMPLETELY embarrassing enough, some nice man that was behind me at the busy intersection got out to push the car into the station so I could get gas. Being that I was steering, I should have known to steer my car to the proper side of the pump so I could reach the gas tank with the hose thingee...no, not that bright...I had to go into the gas station, explain my situation and beg the use of a gas can since a high schooler only carries so much cash and I had to already buy gas and didn't have enough to buy a gas can too. Yeah, I have not gotten gas there since!
- Finally, a fourth shining moment in my life...I took piano lessons for a couple of years, hated practicing but as an adult look back wishing I had stuck with that or the cello that I had lessons on in school. Anyway, the little place we took lessons at was having a recital for all of the students and families...I'm deathly afraid of public appearances for speeches, performance, etc. Maybe it all stems from that evening...I had a beautiful song that I thought I knew so well...I hit the first few notes with shaky fingers and it was downhill from there, I have no idea what happened, my fingers had a mind of their own and played God knows what for a few minutes until I finally must have snapped out of my trance and thought I must be near where the end of the song would fall and I got up and scurried off stage. I think people clapped for me but likely they were clapping in celebration of my departure. My face was red and hot, glasses steamed up in the corners and I felt like the biggest dork, I think I cried.