Monday, March 26, 2007

Monday Meanies

I got a comment from a new reader today, Yay! That's always exciting for me, I like comments and it was fun to see he is from Wisconsin! Hello Nick, hope to hear from you again soon, I enjoyed your blog.

The comment I left Nick is essentially this, which I had to share as my blog today because I got to thinking about insensitive jerks, which Nick does not appear to be at all! So, that's cool!

I'm glad to read this: "I neither make fun of or think less of fat people."
Being someone who's not been skinny her entire life, I find it so offensive when people make fun of fat people. It's actually one thing to think less of them, fine, but to verbalize that totally sucks because you don't know what kind of a struggle it is to lose weight you've carried around so long. (Not that I'm attached to my fat, I'd be more than happy to send it packing if it were so easy). Anyway, walking through Macy's one day with my mom and daughter, this 30s-ish guy and wife with two young kids (I can only hope the kids don't learn from his example) walked through the swimsuit section and the wife commented on how there are so many ugly swimsuits lately and the husband (balding I might add), says "It's to cover up all of the fat asses in the world." OMG, I almost freaked out and went up to him to slap him, I totally never would but wanted to! Insensitive jerk, I could have told him they sell hats in the next department over to cover up his cue ball...but that's so not like me! My mom had the same thought though when she heard what he said! I totally never would have thought of that while he was in close proximity! I don't think I'm being extra sensitive since I'm a woman that has to shop the plus size stores, I think people are just totally insensitive lately, maybe they have always been but I don't know, I've noticed it more lately. You saw my post a couple of weeks ago about the birthmark comment, people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut or something! I think parenting skills, or lack of skills in that area contribute, Macy's Man a prime example! Nice way to teach your kids to be! Grr!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

You write: "the husband (balding I might add), says "It's to cover up all of the fat asses in the world." OMG, I almost freaked out and went up to him to slap him, I totally never would but wanted to! Insensitive jerk, I could have told him they sell hats in the next department over to cover up his cue ball...but that's so not like me!"

It sounds like you are just as mean spirited, if you weren’t you wouldn't have had to post “balding I might add” in parenthesis. Unlike the obese, the “Folically Challenged” don’t inconvenience society like their distant cousin “The Horizontally Challenged”. This overall inconvenience is what I blame on the bad stigma that goes along with being “Horizontally Challenged”... For instance, public transportation: it seems like every time on a bus, subway or plane I’m stuck next to someone who not only takes up their seat but also half of mine. ... Even worse, the obese have a significant impact on increasing healthcare costs because of the health problems associated with gluttony. I know there are exceptions, but the majority of “fat” people I know eat a lot and don’t get much exercise and they have been doing it since they were kids… even though they like to tell you they hardly eat anything at all and it’s their metabolism. It’s as simple as this, if you burn more calories than you take in, it’s impossible to not experience weight loss.

Mert said...

I'm with you, I would have found it very hard to have controlled my mouth. Kudos for not ripping his arm off and beating him with it over his bald head! LOL!

Melissa said...

Anonymous needs to grow a set instead of hiding behind the internet like a little pussy. Just my .02 of course, but if you're going to have an opinion, have the fucking opinion.

Mert said...

You know what, call that asshat out! I hadn't seen that comment... I think you can tell this person it's your blog, you can say whatever you want. And to grow a pair like Melissa said. if you feel convicted enough to comment something so rude on another persons blog, at least own up to it.

What a jerk.

Obviously, the point of your post was that you were so upset that you didn't understand how someone that is "imperfect by today's standards" had the gall to point out another's imperfections. It's called reading between the lines, people!

You said you wanted to say it, but you didn't ... which in my book makes you a better person, Michelle.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

To anonymous...It was not in mean spirit to put "balding I might add" in parenthesis. I was pointing out that we all have our "challenges". I think most people would agree that it's NOT easy to lose weight. I take full responsibility for struggling with it, I'm not placing blame on fast food and distorted portions at restaurants, etc...but that doesn't help matters. I suspect you stereotype people based on your observations about how much fat people eat, but I have done Weight Watchers, exercise regularly, see a dietician, etc. So it's not like I am stuffing my face and sitting on my ass. Plus I do chase a 2 yr. old around. Hence, the comment about it being NOT easy to lose weight.
As for the people taking up half of your seat, you must be quite skinny because anyone I have ever talked to agrees that seats on planes and buses are not sized to fit the vast majority of people these days. Gluttony is a pretty strong word to use for the issues people have with food and it's convenient for you to blame rising healthcare costs on overweight people. If you are going to argue rising health care costs on obesity, yes it may be a factor but what about smokers and the fact that rising health care costs are also attributable to all the idiots who are sue happy and the doctors' insurance premiums for malpractice are outrageously high. I think you seem to be one of the people I am talking about in my post and find it interesting you remained anonymous.

Mert...yeah if my jaw was not on the floor I still am the type of person that couldn't have probably said anything to that guy! Thank you!

Melissa...my thoughts exactly, must be nice to be someone who's never been hurt by another person's words or actions huh? Too bad we can't all be perfect and without "challenges"!

Anonymous said...

I don’t have an account, so the only way for me to write is to post anonymous (not like simply posting under the name "Mert" isn't anonymous). Do you want me to post my first and last name along with my home address? I tend not to do that on public message boards.

Melissa said: "Anonymous needs to grow a set instead of hiding behind the internet like a little pussy."

I love your mentality that it would make me SO much more of a man if I post some fake screen name or a first name... you still would have no idea who I am. "Grow a set"… grow up.

"if you're going to have an opinion, have the fucking opinion."

I don’t even know how to respond to this seeing that is makes zero sense. So if I post under a screen name it transforms meaningless words into a valid opinion. I don’t understand, as it not already an opinion?

Mert said...
"You know what, call that asshat out! I hadn't seen that comment... I think you can tell this person it's your blog, you can say whatever you want."

Why would she need to tell me that? I just made a comment, she has the right to post and say whatever she wants and I said nothing to contradict that.

Mert goes on to say: “Obviously, the point of your post was that you were so upset that you didn't understand how someone that is "imperfect by today's standards" had the gall to point out another's imperfections. It's called reading between the lines, people!”

I don’t think that was the point of Melissa’s blog. She’s not aiming this post at people with imperfections, to think that is an insult to Melissa’s post. The point is that lately it seems the general public’s insensitivity seems to be on the rise. People are saying things out loud that they should keep to themselves or wait until they are on the car ride home. You act like if he would have been the hottest guy ever with no visible flaws then it would have been ok. Sounds like her name calling took away from the meaning of the post and confused one of the more “Easily confused”.


In the future, try responding to the actual comment instead of reverting to name calling “Little pussy”, “asshat”… Respond with an actual rebuttal using reasoning and don’t let your emotions clog your brain.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Anonymous...No, if he had been hot, it wouldn't have been OK, it's not OK for ANYONE, as you do seem to agree here. No one should make those comments out loud. And as for the anonymity, I don't care where you live or who you are but because of the fact that you are anonymous, it makes it easier to be critical.

Mert said...

Meh, I assure my brain isn't clouded or clogged.

I actually didn't think that you would respond, since you are anonymous, and STILL remain as such.

I don't see why arguing on someone's personal blog, a stranger I might add, gets you through the day. But good for you for sticking to your ANONYMOUS guns!

2 anonymous comments do not make a right however.

I will stick to my guns too. I think what Michelle was trying to say is that though she raged internally at another person's boorish behavior, she DID NOT respond in kind. Complaining about a jerk on her own personal blog doesn't make her the same as him, she gave him a lot more courtesy than most people would.

No I don't agree that if he had been the "hottest guy on the earth" (which would have been like- so cool, totally!), it would have been OK. As a person with many (obvious) flaws, it's not OK to make fun of people. As a matter of fact I too am over weight, or "horizontally challenged" as you SO originally put it. It's not ok.

However, let us not confuse a friend defending another blogging friend against an ANONYMOUS person who seems to be confused about exactly who is easily confused.

I'm sorry if I offended you with my asshat references. That's actually the kindest word I could up with , for ANONYMOUS! I wonder if Tactfully Challenged would have been more PC.

Why don't you go find another blog to ANONYMOUSLY troll and flame, 'mkay?

Ginamonster said...

grakiFat. Such an arbitratry yet personal term. An easy stone to throw. Kind of like "dumb".

I think, living in our own skin, we know our faults better than anyone. I think it's unfair to assume someone is lazy because they are bigger. And bigger? also arbitrary. To a woman who starves herself into a size zero, my 40 inch ass is ginormous.(and, by the way, it doesn't fit comfortably in an airplane seat)AND I am lazy because I hate going to the gym. AND I am gluttonous because I like to eat cookies.

To a woman twice my size, I am tiny.

And Fat? doesn't have anything to do with cute. If bathing suits were designed for bigger people, (I like "well rounded" as a euphamism) I wouldn't have all sorts of spam mail trying to convince me to try this or that diet before summer. (of course the spammers also want me to enlarge my penis)

Call it whatever you want, I don't think it's right to hurt people's feelings. Macy's guy may not have known you were there, but he could have looked around to make sure no one heard. Or talked shit on his blog later like the rest of us do. You held your tounge instead of being rude back. That says something good about you.

Kevin said...

The point of adding that the Macy guy was balding was simply to point out that he was a hypocrite. He pointed out a flaw in a group of people when he himself had a distinct flaw of his own.

Mert isn't correct when she states "I think what Michelle was trying to say is that though she raged internally at another person's boorish behavior, she DID NOT respond in kind." and tries to pass it as the point of the blog.

It certainly isn't the point.

The reason Michelle wrote the blog wasn't to show her amazing restraint, but rather to rant about someone who said something that was offensive to her.

And I disagree that you're not being overly sensitive. I think you are. I have one arm (lost my left arm in a boating accident) and when I hear people making jokes about one-armed people, I don't take offense. If you live your life taking offense at every semi-rude comment you hear, you're destined to live a sad life.

It is worth pointing out, however, that the Macy guy's balding head and my missing arm are of no fault of our own. Your weight... well... I'm not sure you can say the same thing.

Arden said...

Just got home from the office and I actually have a registered account on here that my computer remembered from last fall. I guess I dont have to be anonymous anymore.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

ginamonster...thank you for your comment, excellent points about size being relative and in the eye of the beholder too. Plus, I totally agree with you about talking shit on the blog rather than saying such comments out loud. That's basically what my post was about, sharing a story about someone's crappy comments that they should have kept to themselves.

Kevin, you're right, my weight is my own fault unlike losing your arm or someone losing their hair. And yes, I was stating the fact that he was bald to show how hypocritical it was given we all have flaws.

Mert said...

Fartsnargle.

The "not overly sensitive" guys are being insensitive to our sensitivities (at being "fluffy folk"). ROFL!

I think the point is everyone has flaws. It's not a good thing to make rude comments about people like that. Usually the people who do are either socially inept, or are compensating for their own insecurities by looking down on other FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS.

Michelle, it's your blog... you can say whatever you like. I know the purpose of your post, you felt like ranting about someone who made a snide comment. A snide comment about something that affects your life.

It's not appropriate to tell someone that they shouldn't be sensitive about something. It bothered Michelle for a reason. Unless you've walked in someone else's shoes, you just can't know.

That would be like someone who has skin cancer not to be sensitive about skin cancer jokes. Some people who get skin cancer are victims of their own crime. So , since some of them are to blame for their own disease, is it ok to tell them no to be sensitive about it?

Every person has a right to feel injustice and indignant about the obvious lack of tact and decorum of another human being.

Kevin said...

Usually the people who do are either socially inept, or are compensating for their own insecurities by looking down on other FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS.

Or they have a funny joke to tell.

It's not appropriate to tell someone that they shouldn't be sensitive about something.

It certainly is appropriate. When I lost my arm I was real bitter about it. One of my passions was playing the guitar and with only one real arm I wasn't able to do something I loved. I suffered a good two years with extreme depression over my loss.

Then one day a stranger came up to me and asked me if I heard the one about the one-armed butler? He can take it, but he can't dish it out!

I was so angry I could have killed him. That's when I had my epiphany... getting upset with this guy is the absolute worst thing for me to do. His pejorative comments, while at first severely insensitive and infuriating, were just the tonic I needed. My missing appendage would no longer torment my every minute; my idée fixe was forever gone.

I responded in true jeu D'esprit fashion: "How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave!"

Voila! I was cured.

My advice to you, young lady, is to take things with a grain of salt and never turn the rat on his belly.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Thanks Kevin, excellent points. I didn't really take that guy's comment really very personally, he wasn't talking to me or anything but I was more appalled that he said it out loud in mixed company, not knowing who would hear it and with his young children there to hear such insenstive comments.